From Darkness We Will Rise

My heart is breaking. I am bewildered, angry, and depressed. The events that have taken place this past weekend were incomprehensible to say the least, and the world has been left in a stunned, solemn silence. There are no words that haven't already been flung onto the front of a newspaper or thrust into the headline of an online publication. There is nothing new to say about another mass shooting in America, which is steadily becoming the norm of our daily lives. But for some reason, this particular shooting hit home a lot harder. While the devastation of every attack and shooting has broken my heart, this was the first time I genuinely wept over one and I truly believe it's because I realize how easily this could have been me or my friends. This attack was targeted toward us, and in spite of the perceived progress we have made in America this past year, our lives remain a dangerous existence.

Facts and details about the Pulse nightclub shooting are still pouring in and updates can change any sliver of information at any moment, but currently this is what we know: The shooter, Omar Saddiqui Mateen, entered the Orlando-based nightclub with firearms at approximately 2 am Sunday morning. He opened fire, and as many clubbers hit the floor, he shot and killed at least 50 individuals and seriously injured more than 53. After a hostage situation and multiple shoot-outs with police, Mateen was shot and killed. Mateen claimed the attacks for the militant terrorist group ISIS, however it has yet to be confirmed if he had actual ties to the group and was acting under their orders or if he simply admired their belief system and went rogue. The FBI have confirmed that he was previously under investigation for possible terrorist activities. Either way, ISIS is more than happy to take credit for the attacks. His father, on the other hand, maintains that Mateen was not acting in the name of any religion but truly because he was angered when seeing two men kissing in Miami a few months ago. Mateen also has an alleged history of domestic violence, aggression, and mental illness according to his ex-wife.

Tales of horror continue to emerge from the darkness of this night: mothers share their children's final texts, waiting for any sign of life, witnesses recount the massacre and the cries for help that will fill their ears and nightmares for months to come, victims still fight for their lives. Again, traumas that are no different from the other attacks that have plagued this nation and this world, with the exception of one detail. We were very specific targets; we were targeted for being who we are.

In Paris, they were targeted simply for being a component of the western world. In Sandy Hook, they were a matter of proximity and convenience. In Columbine, they were targeted for familiarity and revenge. In Aurora, they were random movie-goers. These were not matters of a particular demographic, a certain religion, race, or gender. These poor wretches were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. In this attack, it was specific and hate-driven; the homophobic slaughter of gays who just wanted to love freely, be as they are, and dance the night away on Pride weekend. That is what is truly terrifying. That in this day and age, such vehement hatred can burn so hot that you can decimate the lives of hundreds over a simple kiss. And it has shaken the very core of me.

Like me, many are rattled by the violence, and fear is never a good recipe for resolving social, political, or national issues. The irrational cries of closing the borders have resounded, military retaliation for ISIS have been demanded, and undoubtedly we will see another predictable rise in Islamophobia as angry bigotry sweeps through the country. But the one ongoing and justifiable concern that rings through all the fear mongering is the issue of gun control.

The proponents of gun rights have been relentlessly clutching to the draconian and likely sorely misinterpreted Second Amendment in their right to bear arms (sorry, couldn't help myself). Various solutions have arisen in an attempt to limit shootings such as these, including extensive background checks and even restrictions and prohibitions from purchasing firearms. But all fall short of being remotely effective. Background checks will only be successful if the individual in question has received mental health services and has been involuntarily hospitalized, reported as a threat to others, or is under court-orders or a conservatorship. And just a note, even if an individual has been hospitalized with a grave mental illness, or detained for threatening to harm another individual, they are only prohibited from obtaining a firearm for 5 years. Then the jig is up. But none of this matters when many private gun dealers are not required to complete a background check. Only public firearm dealers and shops are required by law to run a full background check on their customers. If you contact a gun owner directly through Craig's List, the PennySaver, whatever, you can purchase a gun by simply ensuring your payment goes through, no questions asked. It has been confirmed that Mateen legally purchased his firearms, in spite of being under FBI investigation years ago for possible terrorist activity, because those investigations were closed and he passed his prohibition period.

The problem with gun control is that there is no singular sure-fire solution, but a complete ban will significantly reduce the threats that face this country. Arguments of "well they'll still sell them on the black market!" and "look how well the drug war is going, crack is illegal but it's everywhere! Guns will be the same way!" are general responses to the push for eliminating the second amendment. So if we can't stop illegal activities, we should just make them legal to relieve ourselves the headache of failure. Others claim that they have the right to keep their weapons because they use the guns to protect their families from burglars and can use a concealed weapon to stop mass shootings. Sadly, there are far more family members getting killed from accidental discharges than burglars, and zero mass shootings being avoided thanks to some upstanding NRA member. In fact, many shootings occur because people steal guns from "responsible gun owners" who don't lock their firearms up. Some cry out "from my cold dead fingers!" but I press these individuals, if you want your guns so badly, why haven't you solved the problem? Where are your recommendations and why haven't you implemented them? If gun proponents can present a viable solution to significantly reduce if not eliminate altogether mass shootings and still keep guns legal, then I'm all for it. But I haven't heard a damn thing from them yet.

As if the massacre of Pulse was not horrific enough, terror lurked in the shadows much closer to home after a man was arrested on his way to LA Pride "heavily armed." James Howell of Indiana was detained outside a resident's home early in Santa Monica when he was knocking on their windows and door. In his car, the police found three assault rifles and a significant amount of ammunition and high-capacity magazines. He also had a bucket filled with substances that was potentially a crude homemade explosive device. He denies any intent to harm any individuals at the parade, but clearly his possessions suggest otherwise. You're not hunting bear with an assault rifle and a bucket bomb on the streets of West Hollywood. It was sheer luck that the police crossed paths with this man before he made his way out to the parade. In a crowd of 400,000 with bombs and bullets, the death toll would have quickly exceeded Orlando's as the west coast would have been enveloped in its own nightmare.

But we shine on. In spite of the terror we felt and feel, and the devastation that crippled us, in spite of the months and years it will take to recover and heal, we will continue to survive and thrive. The attack on Pulse nightclub only pushed more gays and allies to the streets of LA and Washington DC to demonstrate their unity. Fearless, people marched in the parade, some donning black armbands to honor their fallen brothers and sisters. Many have rallied around the nation and the world voicing their support, even some countries and world leaders that typically do not support homosexuality. Following reports of blood shortages, lines of straight allies curled around parking lots and street corners to donate, especially since our gay brothers are banned from doing so, citing superfluous concerns about tainted blood supply. For so many years we have endured. We have fought, we have battled our way out of the dark closet and into the glaring sunlight of freedom and equality, and we refuse to return to the depths whence we came. We are stronger, we are united, we are fearless. Whatever few will harm us, many more will protect us. When hatred rears its ugly head, love will always answer the call.

Whispers in the Rainbow Painted Night

Monumental. That is the only word that has been cycling through my mind today following the Supreme Court Ruling legalizing gay marriage throughout the states. Simply monumental. This is so much more than a piece of history, this is the catalyst of the gay rights movement; this is our Women’s Vote in 1920, this is our Brown vs. the Board of Education, this is the close of our Civil War. I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the significance of this vote, this ruling, this declaration of humanity in the US. There is a peace to be found in finally being recognized.

Naturally I had no doubt that SCOTUS would legalize gay marriage, they had the safety net to do it. When they were first invited to hear the mind-bending arguments against the California rulings of Proposition 8, only a handful of states had legalized gay marriage. It was politically and socially unsafe to suddenly be the trailblazers for equal rights, to force so many undetermined states into acknowledging what the majority still viewed as an abomination. No one wanted to be the ones to let gay marriage in. Let’s face it: from 2010 to 2014, doing the right thing was career suicide for the justices. But no one wanted to be the ones to extinguish the possibility of equality forever either, because they knew the change was inevitable. More and more states were moving towards legalization, and many other countries in the west have been passing equality laws for years. Waiting and biding their time, the justices shuffled their feet and turned away petitions to hear any cases on gay marriage until a fair amount of states had already taken it upon themselves to pass the laws, and when those who hadn’t were few and far between, they went for the kill. Silencing those hanging in the balance, the court ruled in favor of the rainbow, and took all the credit for what most states had to do on their own.  But their ruling has eliminated any possibilities for an opposition to file an appeal, to motion for repeal, to put a new law on the ballot or to amend a standing one. It’s all said and done.

But this of course has drawn the little cockroaches from their dark corners to begin their pouting and spouting of hatred, promises of rebellion, ignoring the ruling, even some declarations to divorce their straight partners and preachers who swear they will set themselves on fire (whatever, just call me first so I can grab the marshmallows). Perpetrators of discrimination are still demanding tolerance of their own narrow-minded and bigoted views, and others just stand in noticeably stunned silence over the loss. But as I said to one person earlier this evening, “you had a good run, 3,000 years of hatred; you need to accept that your time has come to an end.”

The suffering that the gay community has endured over the years worldwide has been unimaginable, including social stigmas, gay bashing, the exclusion from gay rights and protective anti-discrimination laws, horribly violent gay cure therapies, and even murders and genocides (it is estimated that anywhere from 10,000-25,000 homosexuals were killed by Hitler’s Third Reich movement). We’ve even been blamed for horrible events such as the Newton shootings, 9/11, global warming, and natural disasters like earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes. Me personally, I wouldn’t be that offended by the insinuation, I’d be more inclined to use them as a pick up line: “hey baby, you know that earthquake last night? That was me.” *WINK*

But all jokes aside, growing up gay in the US these past few decades has been hell, as I documented more thoroughly in my previous posts, Though I have no idea how hard it was five or six decades ago, I realized earlier today that today’s generation has no idea what we have gone through, the struggle we faced, the fight we fought so they can have what we never did: security and freedom in who you are from birth to the grave. Many of my gay clients are out in the open: they have boyfriends and girlfriends at school, they’re out to parents and friends, and they’re loved and supported. Some still get bullied, but none of them have any idea who Matthew Shepard is or the torture he went through for being himself in the 90s. It's a different time and a different world, many of us had parents who struggled (and continue to struggle) through their acceptance of us. We never would have dared to be out in high school for fear of getting beaten or killed, and mind you, this was in Southern California in 2002, not Alabama 1980; the way things were such a short time ago are distant shadows for today's youth. This morning, one client haplessly raised his hands and noted “we have equal rights…yay.” Child, this deserves so much more than a slightly enthusiastic yay. This is historic. And we’ve lived to see it.

We’re equal. We can marry. Soon we will have total federal protection with anti-discrimination laws. Soon we will be able to adopt children and provide loving homes to our families all over the US. And with this comes a new revelation: we’re okay. We are normal. We don’t have to cry anymore. We don’t have to die anymore in the face of cruel, heart-rending adversity. We’re human, just like everyone else. And finally, this country thinks so too. The voices of hate have become whispers in the rainbow painted night.