From Darkness We Will Rise

My heart is breaking. I am bewildered, angry, and depressed. The events that have taken place this past weekend were incomprehensible to say the least, and the world has been left in a stunned, solemn silence. There are no words that haven't already been flung onto the front of a newspaper or thrust into the headline of an online publication. There is nothing new to say about another mass shooting in America, which is steadily becoming the norm of our daily lives. But for some reason, this particular shooting hit home a lot harder. While the devastation of every attack and shooting has broken my heart, this was the first time I genuinely wept over one and I truly believe it's because I realize how easily this could have been me or my friends. This attack was targeted toward us, and in spite of the perceived progress we have made in America this past year, our lives remain a dangerous existence.

Facts and details about the Pulse nightclub shooting are still pouring in and updates can change any sliver of information at any moment, but currently this is what we know: The shooter, Omar Saddiqui Mateen, entered the Orlando-based nightclub with firearms at approximately 2 am Sunday morning. He opened fire, and as many clubbers hit the floor, he shot and killed at least 50 individuals and seriously injured more than 53. After a hostage situation and multiple shoot-outs with police, Mateen was shot and killed. Mateen claimed the attacks for the militant terrorist group ISIS, however it has yet to be confirmed if he had actual ties to the group and was acting under their orders or if he simply admired their belief system and went rogue. The FBI have confirmed that he was previously under investigation for possible terrorist activities. Either way, ISIS is more than happy to take credit for the attacks. His father, on the other hand, maintains that Mateen was not acting in the name of any religion but truly because he was angered when seeing two men kissing in Miami a few months ago. Mateen also has an alleged history of domestic violence, aggression, and mental illness according to his ex-wife.

Tales of horror continue to emerge from the darkness of this night: mothers share their children's final texts, waiting for any sign of life, witnesses recount the massacre and the cries for help that will fill their ears and nightmares for months to come, victims still fight for their lives. Again, traumas that are no different from the other attacks that have plagued this nation and this world, with the exception of one detail. We were very specific targets; we were targeted for being who we are.

In Paris, they were targeted simply for being a component of the western world. In Sandy Hook, they were a matter of proximity and convenience. In Columbine, they were targeted for familiarity and revenge. In Aurora, they were random movie-goers. These were not matters of a particular demographic, a certain religion, race, or gender. These poor wretches were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. In this attack, it was specific and hate-driven; the homophobic slaughter of gays who just wanted to love freely, be as they are, and dance the night away on Pride weekend. That is what is truly terrifying. That in this day and age, such vehement hatred can burn so hot that you can decimate the lives of hundreds over a simple kiss. And it has shaken the very core of me.

Like me, many are rattled by the violence, and fear is never a good recipe for resolving social, political, or national issues. The irrational cries of closing the borders have resounded, military retaliation for ISIS have been demanded, and undoubtedly we will see another predictable rise in Islamophobia as angry bigotry sweeps through the country. But the one ongoing and justifiable concern that rings through all the fear mongering is the issue of gun control.

The proponents of gun rights have been relentlessly clutching to the draconian and likely sorely misinterpreted Second Amendment in their right to bear arms (sorry, couldn't help myself). Various solutions have arisen in an attempt to limit shootings such as these, including extensive background checks and even restrictions and prohibitions from purchasing firearms. But all fall short of being remotely effective. Background checks will only be successful if the individual in question has received mental health services and has been involuntarily hospitalized, reported as a threat to others, or is under court-orders or a conservatorship. And just a note, even if an individual has been hospitalized with a grave mental illness, or detained for threatening to harm another individual, they are only prohibited from obtaining a firearm for 5 years. Then the jig is up. But none of this matters when many private gun dealers are not required to complete a background check. Only public firearm dealers and shops are required by law to run a full background check on their customers. If you contact a gun owner directly through Craig's List, the PennySaver, whatever, you can purchase a gun by simply ensuring your payment goes through, no questions asked. It has been confirmed that Mateen legally purchased his firearms, in spite of being under FBI investigation years ago for possible terrorist activity, because those investigations were closed and he passed his prohibition period.

The problem with gun control is that there is no singular sure-fire solution, but a complete ban will significantly reduce the threats that face this country. Arguments of "well they'll still sell them on the black market!" and "look how well the drug war is going, crack is illegal but it's everywhere! Guns will be the same way!" are general responses to the push for eliminating the second amendment. So if we can't stop illegal activities, we should just make them legal to relieve ourselves the headache of failure. Others claim that they have the right to keep their weapons because they use the guns to protect their families from burglars and can use a concealed weapon to stop mass shootings. Sadly, there are far more family members getting killed from accidental discharges than burglars, and zero mass shootings being avoided thanks to some upstanding NRA member. In fact, many shootings occur because people steal guns from "responsible gun owners" who don't lock their firearms up. Some cry out "from my cold dead fingers!" but I press these individuals, if you want your guns so badly, why haven't you solved the problem? Where are your recommendations and why haven't you implemented them? If gun proponents can present a viable solution to significantly reduce if not eliminate altogether mass shootings and still keep guns legal, then I'm all for it. But I haven't heard a damn thing from them yet.

As if the massacre of Pulse was not horrific enough, terror lurked in the shadows much closer to home after a man was arrested on his way to LA Pride "heavily armed." James Howell of Indiana was detained outside a resident's home early in Santa Monica when he was knocking on their windows and door. In his car, the police found three assault rifles and a significant amount of ammunition and high-capacity magazines. He also had a bucket filled with substances that was potentially a crude homemade explosive device. He denies any intent to harm any individuals at the parade, but clearly his possessions suggest otherwise. You're not hunting bear with an assault rifle and a bucket bomb on the streets of West Hollywood. It was sheer luck that the police crossed paths with this man before he made his way out to the parade. In a crowd of 400,000 with bombs and bullets, the death toll would have quickly exceeded Orlando's as the west coast would have been enveloped in its own nightmare.

But we shine on. In spite of the terror we felt and feel, and the devastation that crippled us, in spite of the months and years it will take to recover and heal, we will continue to survive and thrive. The attack on Pulse nightclub only pushed more gays and allies to the streets of LA and Washington DC to demonstrate their unity. Fearless, people marched in the parade, some donning black armbands to honor their fallen brothers and sisters. Many have rallied around the nation and the world voicing their support, even some countries and world leaders that typically do not support homosexuality. Following reports of blood shortages, lines of straight allies curled around parking lots and street corners to donate, especially since our gay brothers are banned from doing so, citing superfluous concerns about tainted blood supply. For so many years we have endured. We have fought, we have battled our way out of the dark closet and into the glaring sunlight of freedom and equality, and we refuse to return to the depths whence we came. We are stronger, we are united, we are fearless. Whatever few will harm us, many more will protect us. When hatred rears its ugly head, love will always answer the call.

Hey Homophobes: We're Not Listening...Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah

The passage of equal marriage rights by the Supreme Court of the United States last month was a landmark moment for the human rights movement in America. In one fell swoop, years of same sex discrimination imploded and rainbows flew across the nation. Our troubles did in fact melt like lemon drops, and I was met with a grounding peace I had never known.

That’s not to say, of course, that the adversity we had been faced with for centuries dissipated into bitter sweet candies. The homophobes, the God-fearing, Bible-thumping, holy rollers, even the borderline opposition (you know, those people who have gay friends they love and respect but would never grant them the same rights) have risen and screamed out in agony after losing this war. The waters surged and the levees shuddered in the storm they tried to concoct. Many have refused to honor the law, others have whined and tantrummed and cried on social media, posting under the hashtag #godwins and fighting on Instagram about their discriminatory beliefs and dated moral codes. I have no doubt the Westboro Church and other Evangelicals are keeping their eyes peeled for the first sign of God’s vengeance: natural disasters, a terrible tragedy somewhere, a surprise renewal contract for American Idol, possibly a glass of spilled milk, who knows? God may not like cookies. People are even going to ridiculous extremes in calling attention to the passing law. One county in Missouri has decided that they will fly their flags at half-mast once a month every month for the next year, mourning the death of traditional marriage. One store owner has even posted a sign outside of his shop lamenting “No Gays Allowed.”

But what I found is that with the support of SCOTUS, I’m taking it all in stride.  Where frustration and anger and exasperation once boiled, now laughter, smirks, and little chortles blossom. In debates on Instagram with anti-gay posters, I laughed, I joked with them, I professed my love for them in an attempt to stave them off, then carefully and light-heartedly slammed a few ridiculous arguments they threw out. When I read of the half-mast flags, I snorted at the pathetic attempt to whine and pout nationally. When I saw the photo of sign at a highly exclusive, hetero-only hardware store, I revered his First Amendment Rights to be an asshole. And here’s why:

When California first voted on gay marriage in 2000 with the long since forgotten Prop 22, I remember the anger and the frustration I felt as a 16 year old who couldn’t vote (who couldn’t comprehend why we were voting on my personal life in the first place) and whose fate was in the hands of millions of adults who had never met me. I remember reading the arguments, listening to the debates about gay marriage and beating my fists on the table because I had no voice and couldn’t convince these people who were against me to let me live my life. When Prop 8 revisited the ballots, I found my voice, and I would argue on every forum I could find, desperately trying to sway the majority, screaming for my own pitiful right to just love and marry whomever I wanted. And I would rage. The anger that boiled in me overflowed in the face of adversity, of the opposition who had raised more campaign money, who spent more dollars convincing people that equal rights were not only a sin but the end of civilization as we knew it. I felt as though I was trying to beat back a tidal wave, and I was failing miserably. Nothing I said made much of a difference. We lost. We lost by a much smaller margin than that of the 2000 vote, but we lost nonetheless. The gay-bashing, the public demonstrations, the TV advertisements, all the homophobia thrown in my face that people had spent countless hours and money on had stripped me of any hope of being normal.

When SCOTUS released their decision on June 26^th, 2015, all of that genuine adversity disappeared. You know, the adversity that could actually do any harm. In one moment, the opposition had lost, and there was nothing more to be said. The law is done, the Supreme Court declared it so and there can be no challenges, no appeals, no more votes, no more ballots, no more campaigns, no millions of people with their hands in my life, directing me this way and that. This is true freedom.

In the discussions on the boards, many people retorted with “I have a right to my opinions!” Which is entirely true; however in the past, these opinions impacted your choices on the ballots and the votes, which stopped them from being simple opinions and became tallies to take my rights away. Now they have been reduced to nothing more than ignorant, hate-fueled, ridiculous points of view that mean nothing to me. I don’t have to waste my time and energy convincing you of anything. My life is mine now. You can go to your corner of the world and be stupid, I can go to mine and be whatever I want, married to whomever I choose, and I don’t have to give you a second thought. I can laugh at your pathetic attempts to bitch and moan and fly flags at half-mast, because your little dramatic displays will not change the fact that you lost; though I won’t hesitate to remind you of the countless homosexuals who have gone to war and defended that flag and the country that wouldn’t give them equal rights so you could have your childish fit in the land of the free.

And yes, I even defend the store owner and the numerous bakeries who refuse to serve homosexuals and their partners. This is America my friends, and the first amendment guarantees your rights to believe what you want and act how you choose with your own property. I believe these store owners have the right to refuse service to whomever they want, just as I would reserve and exercise the right to refuse service to any racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, Anti-Semite, sexist, bigoted asshole who walked into my store.  If you take away their rights to choose who they serve, they can take away our rights to choose as well, and I don’t want to give assholes cake. It’s my cake. Mine. However, as an American, I have the right not to spend my money in your store. This is a capitalistic country; you need my money to keep your shop in business. If you want to throw away your life savings, your blood, sweat, and tears that you poured into this business over some moral beliefs, so be it! I will go elsewhere, I will advise my friends to go elsewhere, and you can sit in your empty store and count your blessings and your overdue bills. That’s freedom baby.

Now don’t get me wrong, there is still some real shit going on out there, there will still be gay-bashing, there will still be fights for other rights like gay adoption (we won the workplace discrimination bit), but choose your battles. Don’t sweat the small stuff, the ridiculous stuff, the infantile stuff. We won. Let the idiots scream it out until they grow tired and slip away like a toddler ready for a nap. Their opinions, their viewpoints, their beliefs do not define us or determine our lives any longer.