The passage of equal marriage rights by the Supreme Court of
the United States last month was a landmark moment for the human rights
movement in America. In one fell swoop, years of same sex discrimination
imploded and rainbows flew across the nation. Our troubles did in fact melt
like lemon drops, and I was met with a grounding peace I had never known.
That’s not to say, of course, that the adversity we had been
faced with for centuries dissipated into bitter sweet candies. The homophobes,
the God-fearing, Bible-thumping, holy rollers, even the borderline opposition
(you know, those people who have gay friends they love and respect but would
never grant them the same rights) have risen and screamed out in agony after
losing this war. The waters surged and the levees shuddered in the storm they
tried to concoct. Many have refused to honor the law, others have whined and
tantrummed and cried on social media, posting under the hashtag #godwins and
fighting on Instagram about their discriminatory beliefs and dated moral codes.
I have no doubt the Westboro Church and other Evangelicals are keeping their
eyes peeled for the first sign of God’s vengeance: natural disasters, a
terrible tragedy somewhere, a surprise renewal contract for American Idol, possibly
a glass of spilled milk, who knows? God may not like cookies. People are even
going to ridiculous extremes in calling attention to the passing law. One
county in Missouri has decided that they will fly their flags at half-mast once
a month every month for the next year, mourning the death of traditional
marriage. One store owner has even posted a sign outside of his shop lamenting “No
Gays Allowed.”
But what I found is that with the support of SCOTUS, I’m
taking it all in stride. Where
frustration and anger and exasperation once boiled, now laughter, smirks, and
little chortles blossom. In debates on Instagram with anti-gay posters, I
laughed, I joked with them, I professed my love for them in an attempt to stave
them off, then carefully and light-heartedly slammed a few ridiculous arguments
they threw out. When I read of the half-mast flags, I snorted at the pathetic
attempt to whine and pout nationally. When I saw the photo of sign at a highly
exclusive, hetero-only hardware store, I revered his First Amendment Rights to
be an asshole. And here’s why:
When California first voted on gay marriage in 2000 with the
long since forgotten Prop 22, I remember the anger and the frustration I felt
as a 16 year old who couldn’t vote (who couldn’t comprehend why we were voting
on my personal life in the first place) and whose fate was in the hands of
millions of adults who had never met me. I remember reading the arguments,
listening to the debates about gay marriage and beating my fists on the table
because I had no voice and couldn’t convince these people who were against me
to let me live my life. When Prop 8 revisited the ballots, I found my voice,
and I would argue on every forum I could find, desperately trying to sway the majority,
screaming for my own pitiful right to just love and marry whomever I wanted.
And I would rage. The anger that boiled in me overflowed in the face of
adversity, of the opposition who had raised more campaign money, who spent more
dollars convincing people that equal rights were not only a sin but the end of
civilization as we knew it. I felt as though I was trying to beat back a tidal
wave, and I was failing miserably. Nothing I said made much of a difference. We
lost. We lost by a much smaller margin than that of the 2000 vote, but we lost
nonetheless. The gay-bashing, the public demonstrations, the TV advertisements,
all the homophobia thrown in my face that people had spent countless hours and
money on had stripped me of any hope of being normal.
When SCOTUS released their decision on June 26th,
2015, all of that genuine adversity disappeared. You know, the adversity that
could actually do any harm. In one moment, the opposition had lost, and there
was nothing more to be said. The law is done, the Supreme Court declared it so
and there can be no challenges, no appeals, no more votes, no more ballots, no
more campaigns, no millions of people with their hands in my life, directing me
this way and that. This is true freedom.
In the discussions on the boards, many people retorted with “I
have a right to my opinions!” Which is entirely true; however in the past,
these opinions impacted your choices on the ballots and the votes, which
stopped them from being simple opinions and became tallies to take my rights
away. Now they have been reduced to nothing more than ignorant, hate-fueled, ridiculous
points of view that mean nothing to me. I don’t have to waste my time and
energy convincing you of anything. My life is mine now. You can go to your
corner of the world and be stupid, I can go to mine and be whatever I want,
married to whomever I choose, and I don’t have to give you a second thought. I
can laugh at your pathetic attempts to bitch and moan and fly flags at
half-mast, because your little dramatic displays will not change the fact that
you lost; though I won’t hesitate to remind you of the countless homosexuals
who have gone to war and defended that flag and the country that wouldn’t give
them equal rights so you could have your childish fit in the land of the free.
And yes, I even defend the store owner and the numerous
bakeries who refuse to serve homosexuals and their partners. This is America my
friends, and the first amendment guarantees your rights to believe what you want
and act how you choose with your own property. I believe these store owners
have the right to refuse service to whomever they want, just as I would reserve
and exercise the right to refuse service to any racist, homophobic, Islamophobic,
Anti-Semite, sexist, bigoted asshole who walked into my store. If you take away their rights to choose who
they serve, they can take away our rights to choose as well, and I don’t want
to give assholes cake. It’s my cake. Mine. However, as an American, I have the
right not to spend my money in your store. This is a capitalistic country; you need
my money to keep your shop in business. If you want to throw away your life
savings, your blood, sweat, and tears that you poured into this business over
some moral beliefs, so be it! I will go elsewhere, I will advise my friends to
go elsewhere, and you can sit in your empty store and count your blessings and
your overdue bills. That’s freedom baby.
Now don’t get me wrong, there is still some real shit going
on out there, there will still be gay-bashing, there will still be fights for other
rights like gay adoption (we won the workplace discrimination bit), but choose
your battles. Don’t sweat the small stuff, the ridiculous stuff, the infantile
stuff. We won. Let the idiots scream it out until they grow tired and slip away
like a toddler ready for a nap. Their opinions, their viewpoints, their beliefs
do not define us or determine our lives any longer.
